happy place thoughts

I'm slightly intoxicated. I can feel it in my toes, which means that I'm in my happy place. Thought it is a great state to be in, being intoxicated, I still would rather be intoxicated in other ways.

My friend is in the throes of a different kind of intoxication. The kind of intoxication that comes from another person. You know...the relationshippy kind. I don't know if anyone else have felt that kind of feeling...the moments when you feel ten times better about yourself and you think that anything you do is better because this one person thinks you're a million bucks. You feel great, needless to say and you get this boost of confidence that comes from nowhere in particular. You get some sort of strength from that.  I haven't felt like that in a while.

So here I am slightly intoxicated and thinking about love.

Love...it's not something that can really be talked about simply because it can't really be defined in the same way. It eludes me. But even though it eludes me I still have some thoughts about it. Being without it makes you think about it, apparently.

Love...it's a gift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's an effing cliche. But they don't become cliches for no reason. It's a gift because it's something that you don't come across everyday. Nobody wakes up one morning and decides that they'll fall in love...they just sort of do it...I guess. It just happens. In fact, it's more than a gift. It's a privilege. A few years back, I never thought that about love that way. In my mind, I wanted an "epic" kind of love. You  know, the kind of love that has so much obstacles and hardships and fights that you just have so much to deal with. Blame it on television shows. I my mind just had the idea that if we had more hardships we'd appreciate each other more.  But I realized that it's not that way. Somehow, for the better part of my life, I had some skewed, fairy tale outlook on what love is. Love isn't about falling in love with each other at first sight, it's about truly seeing a person and deciding not to look away. It's not about the mushy, chasing-each=-other-around-the-park-while-laughing stuff that makes up a relationship, it's about staying when everything is all fucked up. It's not about needing someone, it's about wanting and choosing to want someone to be there. Anyone can feel love...but not everyone can choose to love, I think.

My toes are numb. Goodnight.